Sheila Williams ~ Singing Cloud

ASHAMED TO SAY!

The scars of yesterday, are hidden in my smiles
but what dwells within, cannot, be erased from my eyes.

All the pain that burns, the limps from old breaks
these can be disguised, with laughter, and clothes.

The splits that mar my lips, the cuts around my eyes
darkness of bruising, can be covered with makeup.

So, I can not take deep breaths, sometimes my laughter chokes
knees, and elbows pop, hips don’t work so well.

Each step is taken carefully, as if walking on glass
untreated wounds, never heal quite right.

Keeping to myself, all the aches of life
training my face, to show only light.

Offering kindness, where none has been received
knowing on sight, those who share your secrets.

Watch as they move, so very carefully
trying not to draw attention, hiding all their needs.

Seeing in their eyes, that same shadowed fear
that someone will see, and blame them for the deed.

Never quite good enough, deserving what we got
knowing we are worthless, afraid we have no right to be alive.

Holding self so tightly, the only friendly hug
reaching out is not an option, being slapped down again hurts too much.

Feeling so alone even in a crowd, terrified to hear whispers
hearing disgust in every word, knowing they must be about you.

Each look your way a reproach, you hang your head in shame
knowing the whole world, see’s the guilt on your face.

Being abused is not spoken of, not a “proper” conversation
hushed, and shushed, by horrified looks, and shaken heads.

Keep it to yourself girl, behave better, and he won’t do it
do as your told, keep your mouth shut, and mind your manners.

If you think I am speaking, of a hundred years ago
you are sadly mistaken, and hiding your own head.

It is your business, and every other humans
so long as we keep silent, we condone these very actions!