William H.A. Willbond MSM, CD

MONICA’S NEW TWO-HOLER

We cut cedar posts at the farm all summer
the toilet got full and that was a bummer
Aunt Dora she said we were all full of shit
‘cause the toilet was full when on it she’d sit

Mom was embarrassed and she would not rest
until her two-holer was one of the best!
She paced out the site and said: “You dig here”
as she gave us brothers a two four of beer

We placed all the beer in the box at the spring
soon at the hole we all started to sing
as I lowered beer down in a pail on the rope
it was filled up with sand that I tossed up the slope

When we reached twelve feet, the hole was so deep
Digger couldn’t get out so he went off to sleep
and I gotta admit that the project was fun
cause down at the spring the beer was all done

We constructed a ladder-the sleeper climbed out
We had the deepest two-holer in the country – no doubt
Mom was very happy with her new toilet’s two holes
then we all went back to the cutting of poles

We cut cedar poles to pay taxes and buy shoes
We all took a break and digger took a snooze
Mom and Dad are now gone but the toilets still here
up at Joey’s farm, it’s still used every year!

Author’s Note: Monica is my mother’s name – the poem is about her new toilet that my brother(s) and I dug whilst we were up at the farm cutting cedar fence poles for cash money to pay the taxes and buy all of us nine children shoes for school which started in September so we cut poles during July and August each summer up at my dad’s 500 acre farm in Lanark Ontario.