William H.A. Willbond MSM, CD

BLOSSUM AND THE DURHAM BULL

Blossum was the name of our old house cow
She was stanchioned in the Byre with my pet sow.
A short legged Durham bull, with a coat of brown
Tried to ride on Blossum, but he fell upside down

His legs were too short, although his thing was long
He couldn’t hit the Holstein’s hole with his skinny dong
He slipped and he fell, he rolled over in the mire
In the barnyard mud, outside that old cow byre

My dad he fell upon the ground, he really laughed too hard
He rolled and pounded on the fence outside byre yard
He laughed till tears came to each eye
He roared and laughed till he started to cry

Daddy’s friend, one Paddy Dane, went down upon his knees
He roared and laughed and snorted and he began to sneeze
Again the Durham Bull rose up upon his two back feet
No matter what he did or tried the parts would just not meet

I was only six years old back during that summer time
I hadn’t learned how to read, but I knew how to rhyme
I remember clear how that bull – he tried but would not quit
As once again he slipped and fell into the cow byre shit

Blossum quit, she pulled away – then the little bull got mad
He crashed the fence and then he chased Old Paddy Dane and Dad
Blossum followed through the hole stopping just below the bank
Standing there, she lowered her head, and from the creek she drank

Wee Durham Bull reared up behind from up the top of the bank
And into our cow Blossum’s vagina his rigid shaft, he sank
A fat Durham Holstein calf was born in the month of May
We got a good price for that veal calf, in town, on Market Day!

Author’s Note: Durham’s are short legged brown coloured stocky beef cattle whilst Holsteins are very tall long legged black and white dairy cows. Blossom could fill a pail and a half with rich milk for our house. Dad was keeping the Durham Bull for Paddy who had a customer coming with a couple of Durham or Angus cows to be bred but Blossum, our Holstein House Cow, came into heat and emitted a smell that that the little Durham just could not resist. He had a one track mind and kept at it until the job was done. Paddy Dane and my Dad were halfway up the Kingsmere when Blossom stopped to drink and my sex education began.