Patricia Schmidt

I WONDER

I love you, have no doubt
But many things I wonder about
Our life, if you hadn’t gone off to war
Or had really known then the score
So much time has passed
I wonder, will peace come at last
Alive but spirit is dead
Fear of the enemies keep you from bed
Roam in the darkness, always on guard
Always alert, you try so hard

The protector, my soldier husband
I want so much to understand
Loss and grief, guilt and shame
Even though you are not to blame
Will today be a day of smiles or pain
Will you share it with me or steal away
Alone and isolated is your way.

Just one day without pain
One day without the hurt
Constant state of confusion
At times passive, other times numb
Will you let me come close
Or will you choose to run
Run away from emotions
Run away from the hurt you hide
All the hurt bottled up inside.

There is reality and romance
They can be worlds apart
I just keep wondering
Can I trust you with my heart
Though battered and bruised
Your love I can’t refuse