Karen M. Rice

I AM SO TIRED

I am a sixty-five year old woman who is legally married to a transsexual woman.
I am the grandmother of a twenty year old transsexual woman.
Ask me if you want to know the back story – long and it’s ugly.
I have fought the good fight, and I am so tired.

I was born in America, I am a political activist.
Ask me if you want the back story – it’s long and it’s ugly.
I have fought the good fight, and I am so tired.

I am a beloved granddaughter and an activist for Native American rights.
Ask me if you want the back story – it’s long and it’s ugly.
I have fought the good fight, and I’m so tired.

I was an abused daughter and an activist for children’s rights.
Ask me if you want the back story – it’s long and it’s ugly.
I have fought the good fight, and I am so tired.

I was an abused wife and an activist for women’s rights.
Ask me if you want the back story – it’s long and it’s ugly.
I have fought the good fight, and I’m so tired.

I am a victim of racial prejudice, and a fighter for African American civil rights.
Ask me if you want to know the back story – it’s long and it’s ugly.
I have fought the good fight, and I’m so tired.

I was a stay at home mom, and a Vietnam War protestor.
Ask me if you want the back story – it’s long and it’s ugly.
I have fought the good fight, and I am so tired.

I am a straight heterosexual woman and an advocate for Gay rights.
Ask me if you want the back story – it’s long and it’s ugly.
I have fought the good fight, and I am so tired.

I’m a trained archaeologist, and an advocate for both Israeli and Arab rights.
I’m a magna cum laude graduate who couldn’t get a job in an American university.
I didn’t have time to become a Gray Panther, or fight the Silver Curtain.
Ask me if you want the back story – its long and it’s ugly.
I have fought the good fight, and I am so tired.

I am a closet intellectual whose efforts to provide a forum for the open debate
of what lies behind hate and prejudice in this world has been rejected and abused.

My education, spiritual, and life “credentials” for providing this forum
have been rejected by people I trusted and respected.

Don’t ask me the back story – the wounds are too fresh and painful.
I have fought the good fight, and I am so tired.

I’m a Transgender Activist who couldn’t protect my
wife or my grandchild from attempted murder – from prejudice and hatred.
Ask me if you want the back story – it’s long and it’s ugly.
But in this forum tonight I’ll keep it short.

Author’s Note: The following is a personal poetic essay written to introduce myself as an invited speaker in a public forum at a university Thursday night where Tina and I will be appearing for GLBT Awareness Week.

This essay could be titled the American Dream vs. the American Lie. I am so tired and emotionally shaky I don’t trust myself to speak extemporaneously without breaking down, so I am going to read it. I’m using the conventional vernacular of the time as I write with no intent to offend. I write in a style called “stream of consciousness.” It’s driven more than one good writer insane or to drug use so be patient with me. One of my heroes is Matt Roloff. He is exposing his family’s personal life to public scrutiny to further the cause of Little People. He is an achondroplastic dwarf, and a practicing, professing Christian. The dwarfs who went before him could only get work as circus freaks. Tina and I just missed out on getting to meet Matt through a mutual friend who lives in Tennessee. If you never have the chance to hear him speak in a university forum, you can watch his show on the Discovery Channel.

As I write, I sit here and await the arrival of a kind friend who is going to go down in the basement and carry up a load of clean clothes for me. I can’t climb the stairs. He’s an aging hippie, an environmentalist, and his writings have been published in journals on ecology, he helps a permanently brain damaged woman who lost her intellectual skills in a car wreck.

Why is he so energetic, and I’m so tired?