John-Ward Leighton

JOY

Photo ©Copyright 2010 by John-Ward Leightonif I only could
while listening to the songs
of my greatest depression
the time of my best
poetic expression
and the question arises
why is pain so easy
and joy so hard
are we that crazy
or just bone idle lazy

the sleep doesn’t come easily
and the dreams are of fear and the mundane
and you wonder if you have to go there again
the absolute banality of it all
is the greatest obstacle
and the crimes of the flesh
are our only redemption
and as Leonard said
I don’t know what they mean

the kettle has boiled
and time to grind a cuppa
surrounded by my toys
placebos for all us boys
and the joys of sumatra
the sound track
brings up memories
when everything in my life went sideways
and I sat in a single room
thinking thought of sex and doom

I could feel myself gradually
disappearing
my emotions as brittle as glass
trapped in a forest of grief
from self inflicted wounds
drowning in maudlin self pity
for my poor stupid ass
and with apologies to all those crazy girls
I liked you well enough
for what we were doing
but not enough to remember your names
you merely helped to scratch the itch
if you wanted or expected more
now you know life can be a bitch

to do the right thing
what might that be
we just stumble from thing to thing
unable to see
what was so right
is now so terribly wrong
and all we believed in
is yesterday’s song

I
look at my
face
with all those gravel road miles
too many tears
and not enough smiles
wondering whatever happened
to that beautiful boy
when we met the day with a smile
and the expectation of some
joy