A RESPONSE TO FRIENDS

It is probably true that I am unable to quit. I am addicted to writing poetry. It began as a way to privately open a valve to let out my misery. It has developed into something else.

I wrote poetry when to do so was considered, to be "sissy"... to be a waste of time. I was never encouraged. Had my life gone the way I would have liked it to go, I would not have written any of the stuff I have written. I would not have been able to.

You all kindly advise me as I advise others, and I humbly acknowledge your good intent and wisdom.

Tim I have written much verse similar to your own. I do not have children either, my one real regret in this life. However my dear wife has two daughters, and we now have six grandchildren who treat me as their own. It is a great privileged and helps me to condemn the failure I feel.

I did not measure myself up to be a writer - I write something like 100 to 130 poems every month. I have been doing this here now for about 4 years or so.

I throw rocks, I point bones, I question everything, and I speak my mind, regardless of the consequences. I have been accused of almost everything you can think of, and I hope they were all right, because that's where I go to inspire my thinking.

I am not in the least bit damaged by criticism; I am rewarded by it, because it is a way of expressing self guilt, and defending knowledge of it for them.

I like being alone. It took me a lot of years not liking it, to appreciate why. I long ago accepted it as my fate, now I cannot be any other way. But occasionally it all catches up, and I have to renew my armour.

We grow through life being told ceaselessly by others, how we should live it. Objection soon triggers the alarm bells and I love to hear them ring. But it can become depressing. I live my poetry, how else could I write it.

I enjoy knowing that what I write irritates the minds of others, and makes them think thoughts they don't want to think. People have lost the power of thought... to institutions political and religious. It often seems to me that the individual is simply a robot expressing the views of others that they have come to believe.

I am an expert at causing others to do things they don't want to do, but think they themselves initiated it. My purpose is to learn and hopefully bring people to question themselves.

We have some remarkable people here. Most have suffered my antics and responded with such love and kindness that I am sometimes overwhelmed by it. Is it sympathy? I react badly to sympathy. No. It is friendship. My good friend and Webmaster, Tony warns new comers to be aware of "Buck". I think I embarrass him, and because he likes me he tries to excuse my behaviour. Tony is a sensitive man.

The talent here is awesome... the people behind the talent are a wonderful mix of special people, yet ordinary, except for their unique experience.

Most of us know something about War, loss, pain etc; and also about love and joy. I served with field Artillery in Malaysia and Vietnam, and I am now a TPI (Totally & Permanently Incapacitated) veteran who is paid a comfortable pension, known as a "War Pension", because I am unable to work.

I was born in England, and migrated to Australia in 1952. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I did not attend school again after first term high school. This deprived me of self confidence and a fair chance of achieving anything worthwhile in life.

Poverty, prejudice, loneliness, despair was our way of life; I was 12-13. I would learn about the "reality" of life, how to survive, and cope with hunger and fear long before I would join the Army when I was 24. I recorded it all. I wrote poetry. I was bitter then - I am not bitter now. But I have occasional, lapses.

I used to think about myself quite a lot - but such thought eventually becomes negative. "The hardest lad to get to know stands above those feet upon the ground", I once wrote, or something similar. But I still occasionally fall in a heap.

I have studied people all of my life, and can smell falseness instantly. I like direct talk and the truth, and quite enjoy playing "silly buggers" with people who think they are smarter than I am.

Everything I do, I do for a deliberate purpose. I never do anything without first thinking. To gain from the opinions and knowledge of others one must challenge their integrity. Those worth listening to, seldom have a lot to say unless you poke 'em with a stick. Break a window in their greenhouse and they will come running... and you will learn because they will tell you more about themselves than they ever otherwise would.

I guess I'm rambling on, I have so much to say you see... and we talk a lot don't we... us different people?

Tim, thank you for your understanding and friendship; Robin... you are one of extraordinary talent... be assured you are among my favourite people...

Bless you both.

©Copyright June 6, 2005 by Colin F. Jones