Gary Jacobson

WOMEN AND CATS

Women are like cats that do as they please:
Play finicky, cajole, purr, pout, and tease.
So men and dogs better get used to it,
And learn their lessons well,
How to fetch, beg, heel, and sit.
Or cats ‘n’ women will make life a living hell.

Men can discuss a problem with women
Going to great length
Arriving at a most equitable solution,
Or so foolish men think.
But let the problem arise,
And surprise, surprise,
Out the window the solution will ease,
For women will do what they please,
With whom they please,
Whenever they please,
However they please.

At the mall women like to shop till they drop,
A hobby men best not try to stop,
Just smile sweetly demure for your honey,
While you dole out the money,
Then stand back and watch the fur fly,
As to your hard earned money
You wave bye-bye…

Women let men “think” men are the boss,
And let them decide weighty matters
Like politics and war.
It’s like a bone women toss,
A “little” thing they do,
While they oversee daily things that accrue,
Problems of the home deciding,
“Your” children teaching…
Even what “their” men wear selecting.

Cats and women always do what they want,
When they want,
Seldom listening to you,
Completely unpredictable too.
Becoming reclusively antisocial
Whenever a man wants to play,
Suddenly very emotional…

But let a man seek a few moments peace
Cats and women will never the yammering cease
They’ll start seductively to purr,
Rub up against his leg his will to seduce
Insisting he play with her
Wrapping him around her little finger
Crying
Whining
Moaning
That they’re not at all happy,
Expecting him…
And make it double fast snappy
To satisfy every whim.

Cats like women
Are moody creatures positively erratic,
Leaving hair everywhere a habit idiosyncratic.
Women play games around the house
Toying with men like a cat with its mouse
Nagging, tormenting, taunting, tempting…
Cats drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg,
Like small women in fur coats that make men beg.

So of all things howled by dogs and men,
Written by writers with paper and pen,
About women and their cat
Let me give a final caveat.
One thing’s evident in a world gone sappy.
If women and cats ain’t happy,
… ain’t nobody happy!!!

Gary Jacobson: Women and Cats

Author’s Note: I sent the above poem to a lady awhile back, and she replied, “So, what is it you don’t like about women?” As disparaging women was not my intention in the above poem… I answered her with this poem:

I did not mean in disparagement to convey…
I dislike women nor cats in any way.
Sorry you came to that conclusion,
For I have both in deep profusion,
women and cats…
sparking most delightful confusion,
a wife, two daughters, 11 cats…
Playful illusion…
Love ‘em all dearly…
Utterly…
Completely…
Methinks Profusely.
I couldn’t live without ‘em…
but they are a peculiar species…
Cats and women
That betimes consternation accompanies…
with traits uncommon to we but mortal men…
For though we try hard to understand…
In the life of conundrums to blend…
Subtle messages they send…
Falling all over ourselves to comprehend…
Though we seldom really do…
Often finding ourselves in a pickled stew…
But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
No way Jose…
For women and cats give to life its spice…
Relieve doldrums with aura’s nice…
Though both women and cats keep me guessing…
Women and cats are, to we feeble men, a blessing…
For methinks
I enjoy in inestimable ways the hi-jinks…
That could otherwise never be mine
To make an otherwise dreary world sublime.