SCRIBBLINGS from within
Again I write, though with some dread,
of things that are passing through my head
The beckoning, the drawing with convincing pleas
I know it's the Nam calling, I must answer... please?
I'm deserting... trying to leave it you see
why can't he get better? That other part of me
The pain inside just thinking the name!
But if it joins me, there, there will only be shame
Oh, why of all people was I chosen to make it home?
So many were more worthy... so many more prone!
I've tried everything I can to find a soothing balm
yet everything still reminds me... of the Nam
I've repeated this to myself... over and over again
but my thoughts seem so scrambled - no beginning, no end
It seems that this torment is nearly always the same
the intrusions are constant... nightmares sear my brain
Those faces of buddies, voices that I knew, then so well
have become more than memories... they've become a hell!
So long, so long, I have kept my council to myself
But it's time now that I share it... get it off my dusty shelf
That I've, as many, have secreted away from others
our brothers, girlfriends, our wives and yes, mothers
Many of us there repeated a pact... never to others reveal
all of the things that took place... our lips we'd seal
Most fathers would understand, they fought in a war that has no end
they carried it with them, unwillingly... but never to bend
To reveal to others? What must we think! Keep it to ourselves
so they put theirs up also, on their now, ancient shelves
To remain and haunt them... never really allowed to misplace
those memories, those spirits with the eluding face
For so, so many years, we struggled to survive this demon
who, if ever would leave up - give us back some freedom?
I recall what one soldier said from the war they called Civil;
listen to his words... his reasoning doesn't bare the mark of a devil
I'll change the place... so for us to relate
but the meaning's the same - not to negate
(Some of us went over to Viet Nam {Gettysburg}
some of us didn't come back,
If you weren't there you wouldn't understand.
I don't want to talk about it anymore)
Most of us have carried those exact thoughts till this very day
it's eerie what that soldier said then... and what we would say
Many, many more feelings within my chest must be said
but they can't wait to be read, 'till after I'm dead
I'm weary now from this burden that's come forth
and I feel the winter coming soon... I live in the north
The leaves are now falling, the wind will bring the snow
every year I pray that... it'll cover all that I know
But now my heart is overwhelmed with a sadness-
that I often times think is the brother of madness
So to continue to write, I'm sorry to say
has to stop that I may see yet, another day
For in my mind's eye, soon will come the VC
and the killing will continue... it's them or me!