Danielle N. Calhoun
SURVIVING ABUSE: AN ESSAY
I once wrote that Garth Brooks was my idol and that I felt a connection to him because of all the songs I heard. Well, now more so than ever, I feel that connection. Through all the tears I’ve cried and the pain and abuse I have experienced, I believe that Garth Brooks has written songs that I and many other can relate to.
Take, for instance, Storm, this song is about a woman who was abused, and although her family tried to help her, she refused.
This is me. I was abused between 1998 and 2001. I fell in love with someone about a year younger than myself, and when we started dating, everything seemed all right (kind of reminds you of Face to Face, doesn’t it? Garth sang that, too).
Well, anyway, after we got engaged, things went downhill from there.
My fiancé and I had many disagreements and misunderstandings, and I began to blame everyone but him, I even went so far as to try and make things work (WHAT WAS I THINKING?) Not only was I hit, slapped, pushed and slammed into a wall; I was bruised internally, within my own heart.
I felt that I deserved it, even though the sensible side of me knew otherwise.
Friends and family knew and tried to stop it in any way that they could but since many were unaware of the situation, there was really nothing they could do.
The final blow came when my ex decided he was going to hit me when I was trying to reach for a stuffed animal I loved and clung to when I needed comfort, the poor thing, it didn’t survive.
And I almost didn’t either.
My ex slammed my head against a wall, and my shunt was not damaged, but my memory was for a bit. I later found out that I had a mild concussion, and although I lied and said I fell in the shower, I’m sure that they knew otherwise.
As a matter of fact, a cop patrolled the building that I was living in at the time, and he did NOTHING. I feel that had he intervened, I would not have suffered as I did, and I would not have been afraid of my own shadow at times.
Anyways, after the jaw broke and my ex decided to tell me he’d kill me if I had him arrested, he moved out, on his own accord.
My manager at the time felt it was all for the best, but the loneliness was torture. I felt as though I’d never survive.
But I did and I believe that as single parent now, I hope and pray that the abuse I faced is not going to ever affect my son, even though he was not with us at the time (he wasn’t conceived until 3 years later by another man) I hope that my abuse is not going to show, although I fear that in some way it has.
I hope and pray that anyone who is a victim of abuse is reading this, and doesn’t do what I did.
REPORT IT! Do not let it happen to you! Don’t think you can change him or her; take it to the police! And if they don’t listen, take it to someone who WILL!
Fear is in itself the reason for staying, and you must not let that fear take hold!
©Copyright May 28, 2007 by Danielle N. Calhoun