Tim Bone

BEFORE EACH DAY

IWVPA Double Tap Award for War Poetry: May 12, 2005
Awarded: May 12, 2005
Sometimes I’m what they call OK
Things stay quiet through the day
It’s easier to lie and say
“I’m fine, there’s nothing wrong”

I’m pretty good at pulling off
Appearing I am strong and tough
I even swallow down this cough
I’ve had for much too long

And when those days become the night
I seem to get to bed alright
But something I do not invite
Is waiting in my dreams

And while I sleep it’s on the rise
Always in the same disguise
It takes my dreams, opens my eyes
With silent echoed screams

It floods my head with memories
Of friendlies and of enemies
And all of war’s brutalities
When I said, “Sir, Yes Sir”

My Brothers reappear again
I lose the sense of now or then
And I go back to where I’ve been
The lines of time a blur

I push out through my bedroom door
To calm myself and reassure
That I’m not fighting anymore
Yet still I feel the dread

Of trees grown triple canopy
And spider holes surrounding me
Then knowing it’s insanity
It’s all just in my head

Another night of sleep is lost
The lines of past and present crossed
Again my bed is turned and tossed
I feel like I’ll explode

And when this night goes into day
I’ll brace myself and smile and say
“I’m doing good, Yeah I’m OK”
Till the next episode

And ‘till it comes I turn my back
On rage and torment and attack
That keep me from the things I lack
Inside this wounded heart

The parts where trust and doubts collide
A broken man, unsatisfied
Who faces his own suicide
Before each day can start