Ruby Alexandra Beloz

PAIN

If only to have a mother
That was proud of who I am
Rather than having a mother
Who puts my flaws under her constant exam?

No matter how hard I tried
Inside, I die the silence that I can’t explain
Quiet tears are the sound of constant pain
Pounding heavy in my heart
Over and over again

Her poison is always the same
I finally released myself of her pain
Her apron is stained
With my tears
Stained with many years of fear

Failure, I am known only to her
Today, I turned the page
Today, I released the my rage
Today, I told her to go away

Pain is a slow death
Because it takes forever
Just to die when it’s hidden
Silently inside for so many years

Trapped between my ears
The pain I carry
I no longer can hide
Slowly she poisoned my mind

I finally told her she had to go
Today, I took back the control
Today, I freed my soul
Her words I no longer can hear

I finally told her she can
No longer hurt me anymore
No longer can she kill me inside

I finally shed the last tears she
Will ever get to see
I finally released me
From her hate, today I am free

I told my mother she can no longer
Kill me any more
With her words of poison
I have turned the page
For the last time

I have burnt the book of the past
That told the story of who I never was
I no longer need her pain
To feel her love
The price was more than
I am willing to pay
So today I let her go

God help her now

The last string of the apron
Has been cut
The door is now shut
She can no longer hurt me any more

The book has been closed
I am free
To be just me