Robin Amy Bass

REFLECTIONS OF A FORMER CYNIC
(The Difference Between Us)

The difference between us
Like day and like night
The friction that sparks,
As it starts to ignite

The flame and the passion
You draw from my soul
The sum of our parts
As they equal a whole

Is something I’ve waited for
Most of my days
The life of a cynic,
One set in her ways,

Was what I assumed
That’s the way it would be
I picked out my branch
On my family tree

An orange who sat among
Apples and pears
The one fruit with no rhyme
One learns not to care

My youthful conclusions
My limited scope
Resulted in damage
I just gave up hope

That there was a someone
And place I belonged
Once bright eyed and open…
And then things went wrong

Replacements and copies
You know that I tried
I’d look in the mirror
And how I’d despise

My heartsick reflection
‘Cause this much I knew
I never would find
a replacement for you

The distance between us
Was meant to unfold
And soon all the warmth
Was replaced by the cold

Replacements and copies
Just lead to despair
And I cannot blame you
That wouldn’t be fair

The choices were mine
As the choices were yours
We both had our reasons
For slamming those doors

I’d sit by the my window
In hindsight’s it’s clear
That I was just hoping
That you’d reappear

At some point a woman like me
Just gives up
Half-full turns to empty
You stare at the cup

The one you received
As a gift from a friend
One day you are hopeful
The next day it ends

Your friends call you jaded
They dole out advice
They call you a cynic
You try to be nice

To friends and to family
You just keep it light
While deep down you’re thinking
“I guess they are right”

The difference between us
Once got in the way
As sick as our secrets
I just could not stay

What we have in common
There’s so much to list
The things that we share
Make you hard to resist

The difference between us –
Like night and like day
Excites yet confounds me
Much like the cliché

That opposites ends of
the spectrum attract
The way I’m persistent
The way you retract

I know that without you
There’s so much I lack.
Though no longer cautious
I sometimes pull back

And look at the rainbow
It’s not white or black
I listen to songs –oh
How some take me back

To times spent together
To good times we shared
When neither was careful
When both of us dared

To take it to limits
Much further than most
“I made it past 30”
I once heard you boast

The difference between us was
Obvious then
Genetically determined?
I thought, “well, that’s men”

Some things that we shared
Haven’t changed all that much
I still like those places
You like to have touched

You still read my face
With an impassive stare
And when you are mad
You still have that same glare

I call you and call you…
You let the phone ring
You still like to tease me
“So let’s hear you Sing!”

We’ve always shared music,
Still talk until four
You still make me laugh
‘Til my insides are sore

But now there’s this part
That has come into view
I guess you would say
That I’ve met the real you

A nice combination of sinner
And saint
I wish I had known
Is my only complaint

Still I understand, it’s what
You had to do
The same and yet different
This real me and you

Back then being different
Was something to hide.
A life that was sober
Had still gone untried

For both of us still had some
Growing to do
We had that in common
I’m sure it’s still true

But back in the eighties
We just could not last
I think of those are times
That we could not get past

We still have that time
When we’d both rather shout
But we’re getting better
At talking it out.

The difference between us
Has changed quite a bit
For one thing, I’ve found me a skin
That can fit

While you have some days
when you seem ill at ease
And if I’m not “the cure”
You are not “the disease”

The difference between us
Like war and like peace
Some battle wages on
And I’m still not released

From some of my demons
While yours come to call
Well… maybe that’s really
Not different at all

Same difference – No difference
Some things are brand new
A former Marine
and habitual Jew

And you are the brooder
While I like to tease
And some things don’t change
You still do as you please

You still take your time while
I’m ready to go
I still interrupt
I’m impatient I know

My cynical nature was mostly
A phase
And our reconnection has brightened
My days

‘Cause now I stay dry though
I know it will rain
With you in the picture
It isn’t the same

You listen intently – you hear
Every word
And though some would say
That this might sound absurd

You know what it’s like to be misunderstood
And taken for granted
And you never would, ignore me
Or let me fall into harms way

And late in the evening
Or in early morn
When all your defenses have dropped
And are gone

You let me inside
Of the picture you’ve framed
And that’s when I’m sure
That we’re really the same

The difference between us
Now leads me astray
I call sick to work
So that we can just play

And try to make up for the time
We have lost
I try to retrieve
What I once would have tossed

Into as container that’s meant
To hold waste
I thought it was over
I just couldn’t taste

The bittersweet flavor that comes
When you love
You look side to side
While I look up above

And wonder if something like
This can be real
‘Cause falling in love
Was not part of the deal.

When will I wake up?
Do you think they could steal
The one thing I found
That has helped me to heal?

And though I’ve had money
I never could buy
The way that I feel
when you call and say hi!

The difference between us
Like water and flame
Ignites an implosion
I’m reluctant to tame

The difference between us –
I guess you could say
Served as our demise
As I got in your way

It saddens me still to think
Of all that we lost
I know we had reasons
But I won’t exhaust

The time or the effort
To revive the pain
It’s much too dammed hurtful
I won’t play that game

Or try to discover
Or try to regress
We both deserve more
I won’t settle for less

Than anything other
Than what I call “WE”
I’m no longer skeptic
I finally see

The difference between us
Is really what works
The interconnections
The things we call quirks

And deep down inside me there
No longer lurks
The heart of a cynic –
That no longer works

That skeptic has
Gone
Replaced by one voice as we
Sing
the same song

©Copyright June 6, 2005 by Robin Amy Bass

Submitted for the June 2005 IWVPA Club Theme Project, “Cynic/Cynical”